FIRST OF ALL LET'S LOOK AT THESE FUCKING BARS
MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT ON SCREEN IT'S LIKE A RAINBOW THREW UP ON MY MONITOR
1 - LOOK AT THAT ISN'T THAT THE BEST NUMBER YOU'VE EVER SEEN
THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S BLUE
BLUE IS GOOD, RED IS BAD
FUCK RED I HATE THAT COLOUR
2 - THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS
IF YOU DO SUPERS AND SHIT THIS BAR DOESN'T FILL UP RIGHT
IF YOU WAIT AROUND AND JUST HIT PEOPLE IT FILLS UP AND YOU GET TO DO MORE SUPERS
IT'S LIKE A FUCKING SOCRATES MIND GAME EXCEPT WITH LITTLE GIRLS BEATING EACH OTHER UP
3 - SHIT MAN THIS GAUGE IS LIKE STAR WARS CAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT THE FORCE
USE IT FOR EXTENDS AND FOR BURSTS IN ORDER TO NOT DIE
4 - OH MAN OH MAN I WISH I HAD YOUR ARCANA IT LOOKS AWESOME
-----
OK SO LET'S PRESS BUTTONS DO YOU LIKE BUTTONS I LIKE BUTTONS
A = HIT LIKE A GIRL
B = HIT LIKE A MAN
C = HIT LIKE A SPACESHIP
D = HOMING (WHEEEE)
E = ARKANNA
WHEN YOU WANNA MOVE TREAT YOUR STICK LIKE IT'S A FUCKING CALCULATOR
7 8 9
4 5 6
1 2 3
6 IS FORWARD, 2 IS DOWN, 5 IS 'FUCK THIS I'LL STAND RIGHT HERE'
-----
GRAB BITCHES WITH A + D
IF YOU HOLD FORWARD OR BACK YOU FLING THAT BITCH AWAY
CAN'T COMBO AFTER IT BUT IT'S HARDER TO ESCAPE THAN DINNER WITH YOUR PARENTS
-----
RIGHT SO IF YOU PLAY NORMAL FIGHTING GAMES YOU ARE TOO SLOW FOR ARCANA
BUT DON'T WORRY
I WILL FILL YOU UP WITH SO MUCH SPEED YOUR FACE WILL MELT
SEE THAT D BUTTON ON YOUR STICK? TRY PRESSING IHOOOOOOOOLY SHIT THE SPEEEEED
DUDE YOU JUST DID A HOMING MOVE
WASN'T IT AWESOME
YES IT WAS
NOW TRY PUSHING DIRECTIONS DURING IT
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE FLYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
-----
E IS A COOL LETTER
BUT IT IS ALSO A COOL BUTTON
IT GIVES YOU MAGICAL ARCANA POWERS AND CHARGED ATTACK STUFF
SO GOOD MAN LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
CRUSH THAT FUCKING GUARD MAN, CRUSH IT GOOD
-----
DO YOU WANT MORE COOL POWERS AND LASERS AND SHIT
THEN LOOK AT YOUR ARCANA GAUGE
IF YOU DON'T USE IT AND HIT PEOPLE IT STARTS BUILDING UP
SO FOR THE FIRST ROUND YOU'RE LIKE 'eh let's not waste meter on supers and stuff'
BUT BY ROUND THREE YOU'RE LIKE 'AHAHAHAHAHA HOMING CANCELS EVERYWHERE'
-----
YO DAWG
WE HEARD YOU LIKE COMBOS
SO WE PUT HOMING IN YOUR COMBOS SO YOU CAN CANCEL WHILE YOU PUMMEL SMALL CHILDREN
USE HOMING DURING A COMBO TO GET MORE HITS AND MORE DAMAGE
JUST PRETEND YOU'RE RYU, FADC THAT SHIT
-----
ALRIGHT LET'S GET STAR WARS IN THIS SHIT
YOU HAVE THE FORCE IN A LITTLE BLUE BAR UNDER YOUR CHARACTER
WHEN IT'S FULL YOU CAN DO COOL SHIT
FOR EXAMPLE
DO YOU NEED MORE MAGIC IN YOUR LIFE
PRESS ALL THREE ATTACK BUTTONS AND GO ON THE INTENSE TRIP THEY CALL EXTEND
SUDDENLY MAGIC IS EVERYWHERE, FUCKING MIRACLES AND SHIT, SO INTENSE
YOUR NATURAL EXTENSION ALLOWS YOU TO GO FOR EVEN BETTER COMBOS AND INTENSE DAMAGE ALONG WITH ARCANA BLAZES AND SHIT LIKE THAT
-----
THEN AGAIN MAYBE YOU SUCK AT FIGHTING GAMES
MAYBE YOU KEEP GETTING HIT
THAT'S WHEN YOU BURST
PRESS C+E TO EXPLODE IN A CLOUD OF MASCULINE ENERGY
EXCEPT AFTER THAT THE FORCE GAUGE MOVES SLOWER THAN YOUR MOTHER IN BED SO BE CAREFUL
-----
SO IF I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE YOU DON'T HAVE TO RECOVER
SOMETIMES I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO TECH AND YOU DO AND I PUNISH IT AND I'M LIKE :DDDD
BUT THEN YOU WAIT AROUND AND TECH LATER AND I'M LIKE DDDD:
-----
RIGHT LET'S IMAGINE WE'RE BOTH INCREDIBLY MANLY
(well at the very least YOU have to imagine)
TWO HITS COLLIDE IN AN EXPLOSION OF TESTOSTERONE
THAT'S CLASHING
IT'S LIKE A RETCON BECAUSE IT MEANS NOTHING BEFOREHAND EVER HAPPENED, IT'S LIKE A RESET BUTTON TO YOUR HEART
SO MASH OUT 5A OR BAIT A WHIFF WITH 4D OR JUST THROW THAT BITCH
-----
ARE YOU TIRED OF BLOCKING
ME TOO
LET'S TALK GUARD CANCELS
IF YOU HAVE METER YOU CAN CHARGE FORWARDS WITH 6D
CLASH FOR AAAAAAGES
OR YOU CAN DASH BACK WITH 4D AND MAKE YOUR OPPONENT WHIFF SHIT
THEN HIT HIM BECAUSE HE'S A STUPID MOTHERFUCKER FOR TRYING THAT SHIT ON YOU
-----
DO YOU FEEL FULL OF TESTOSTERONE NOW
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME FULL OF LITTLE GIRLS NOW
OF COURSE YOU DO
NEXT IS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF THE CHARACTERS AND WHAT THEY GENERALLY DO
No comments:
Post a Comment